1997 Fools: Amazing New Compilation CD!
Subject:      Amazing New Compilation CD!
From:         mghembru@dictator.uwaterloo.ca (Mattias G. Hembruch)
Date:         1997/04/01
Message-Id:   <E7yx82.p54@novice.uwaterloo.ca>
Newsgroups:   rec.music.christian

Apparently in response to allegations that many artists were only "in it for
the money", the CCM industry has pulled off one of its strangest stunts in
years. In an attempt to show that their artists have integrity, they have
put together a compilation album (with all proceeds going to the LPF and
FSF) featuring many well-known CCM artists from the past and present
denouncing "big business". A Word spokesperson said, "We wanted to get the
message across to the current generation of music buyers. We thought that
they'd be totally lost if we sang about the traditional big bad companies,
so we picked a topic the kids are familiar with: the computer industry".
Industry analysts are shaking their heads. Reactions to the album entitled
"Only Rebooting this Planet" from CCM listeners on the internet - one of the
target audiences - have been mixed at best.

"I didn't think about sex or food for a whole two hours afterwards!"

"You ABSOFREAKINGLY must buy the ABSOFREAKINGLY incredible Thrifty Mr.
Kickstar ABSOFREAKINGLY IMMEDIATELY! Did I mention you should do this NOW?"
Clueless Buck

"Yeah, but can I mosh to it?"
Molar and Drool

"After listening to this, I was nice to the next five AOLers I talked to."
Gerry B. Reigh Sr

"I'm a sick cruel twisted witch. Ruby hisses!"
Harmony Kewl

"It made me want to start nicey-nicey week all over again!"
Austin Keen

"I almost installed Linux/M68K on my Mac!"
Edcrab RockTree

"What, no bagpipes?"
Sue Rock.

"No Carman? Cool."
Sam C. Clare

Based on these reviews, it would be nearly impossible to decide if this
album is great or terrible. This reporter has taken it upon himself to
listen to the album and review it.

As already mentioned, the topic is the computer industry and the theme is
the evil of big business. Naturally, the brunt of the criticism is borne by
Microsoft, the evil computing company which constantly attempts to
monopolize the computer industry with vastly inferior software. 

Fans of older CCM will be sure to want to buy this album - it contains a
treasure trove of classic songs redone with appropriate lyrics. The
promotion of this compilation album will start with two singles, both
remakes of songs several years old. 

First off, Chagall Guevara, after the popularity of their tribute on the

"Strong Hand of Love" tribute album, was asked to remake another Mark Heard
song. "Another Day in Windoze" is the result, and I'm sure you'll find
it's one of the most catchy tunes on the album. The chorus is one of those
refrains you just can't get out of your head:

Taking away the sunrise,
listening to the wind blow,
angels with dirty faces face
another day in Windoze.

Beckoning fire from heaven,
'cause everything seems so froze up
beating the keys for reboot,
another day in Windoze.

Going back a few more years, Rick Cua has done a brilliant remake of his
trademark song:

So you think you've found an answer,
a cure for all your woe?
A message in the email:
Sign the Microsoft P.O.

Don't say Microsoft.
It's your CPU,
consider it well.

Don't say Microsoft.
The choice is GNU,
or the lie that comes from Bill.

These two astounding singles are followed by many more classics redone to
match the theme. In fact, this album pushes the limits of how much music can
fit on a single CD. D&K fans take note: DeGarmo and Key have added a
thundering remake of their own:

Sunday morning, the pews are filled
with friends of mine, yea, friends of mine.
And for the first time, I look around and I realize, I realize

My closest friends are Microsoft Users, 
frustrated here, using the OS of losers.
My closest friends are Microsoft Users, 
frustrated here, using the OS of losers.

I used to wonder why they act so strange - 
Now I know, yea, now I know! 
I heard the hacker say 
"This OS we use, it ain't worth beans, it ain't worth beans"

While I don't want to give away all the surprises, here
are some of the other titles you'll find:

Boot the System and Computer Brains by Petra 

I want to be a PC Clone by Steve Taylor

Crashes on our Hands by Jerusalem

Until we have Unix by Randy Stonehill

Why Should the devil not have to use Windoze? by Larry Norman


Suite for the Souls of our Users (Part 3: Windows '95) by Barnabas

Restore my Disk by The Choir

It's the 90's (so where's our working OS) by DA

The Loss, The Crash, The GPF & The Required Reboot by the 77s.

and many more

My recommendation is: if you use computers, and you like CCM, rlogin, don't
telnet to your favourite on-line VAR and order a copy today!

Mattias Hembruch, University of Waterloo.            Where time has no meaning,
BASc Computer Engineering, MASc Candidate            our reason does not apply. 
Parallel & Distributed Systems Group                                 K. Livgren
mghembru@dictator.uwaterloo.ca http://www.pads.uwaterloo.ca/~mghembru