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1995 Fools: ABOI: Polite Methods of Nose Picking From stella@netcom.com Wed Apr 5 20:32:18 EDT 1995 Article: 11570 of alt.best.of.internet Newsgroups: alt.best.of.internet Path: bigblue.oit.unc.edu!concert!news-server.ncren.net!news.duke.edu !solaris.cc.vt.edu!news.alpha.net!uwm.edu!cs.utexas.edu !howland.reston.ans.net!ix.netcom.com!netcom.com!stella From: stella@netcom.com (Steven J. Tella) Subject: ABOI: Polite Methods of Nose Picking Message-ID: <stellaD6DpvB.CEH@netcom.com> Followup-To: poster Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest) Date: Sat, 1 Apr 1995 23:13:59 GMT Lines: 79 Sender: stella@netcom9.netcom.com Good job! Please don't followup to alt.best.of.internet! === From: C-feature@clarinet.com (Judith Martini) Newsgroups: clari.feature.miss_manners Subject: Polite Methods of Nose Picking Date: Sat, 1 Apr 95 00:00:00 GMT Organization: The Seattle Group Lines: 65 Approved: No Message-ID: <3liahh$pu6@nntp3.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: nntp2.u.washington.edu DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I have a rather perplexing situation to deal with and as a last resort must ask for your expertise. My husband seems to find my constant habit of picking my nose in public to be offensive in some manner which I fail to understand. I was brought up in a proper household and my parents showed me exactly which angles and techniques were acceptable and which were not. He seems to be under the delusion that picking one's nose anywhere remotely near another person is inappropriate behavior. If my style since childhood of a quick removal with the right index finger followed by graceful ingestion of all traces is not proper, what is? Kindly resolve this conflict for us, as it is putting a strain on our marriage. GENTLE READER -- Sigh. Your husband is what we used to call in the days when manners were practiced, a "cad". I receive many letters like yours every month from poor souls who have been forced to "correct" behavior which others mistakenly perceive to be "uncouth". Your technique of nose picking was widely practiced in Europe and North America through Victorian times, and it is a wonder that since those days many people have simply forgotten their manners. Miss Manners hopes that you inform your husband that his admonishment of your actions in ignorance is a far greater transgression of proper behavior than anybody could possibly make picking their nose publicly. It is such people that make Miss Manners' job that much harder, confusing humble souls among us as to what just is proper behavior. DEAR MISS MANNERS -- Can you tell me what the established etiquette might be regarding peddling of narcotics? I am a heavy user who has needed to turn to crime to support my habit, and am looking for a more respectable alternative. I was considering killing two birds with one stone, so to speak, by going into dealing myself. My only problem is that with such an informal business it is hard to know exactly what is considered "proper" behavior these days. All my sources have such polished styles, but there is tremendous variation in their approaches. Do you think that the tough "street hoodlum" approach favored by so many seedy characters of the past is outdated, or is this "college frat boy buddy" style so pervasive today just a passing fancy? I have also considered emulating the so-called "dead- head hippie" persona, but am not sure which of these identities best reflects traditional manners in this ancient trade. Also, any insight you might lend to proper usage of slang terms for "drugs", "police" or "getting arrested" would be wonderful. GENTLE DEALER -- Miss Manners must commend your insightful forethought which is all too seldom found these days. You are right in observing the multitude of personas which appear to be appropriate in the practice of narcotics peddling. While Miss Manners tends to personally favor the traditional "seedy character in a dark alley" approach herself, she cannot find fault with the other two styles of delivery, however new they be. As always, the best advice is old advice, and the oldest advice Miss Manners knows is to "Be true to yourself." It sounds like you are not truly comfortable with any of these people as the real you, so must simply accept who you are and be that person in your new role. Congratulations on your new source of income and best wishes for a successful venture! Are you confused about adultery? Miss Manners' pamphlet "How to Cheat On Your Spouse," gives all the ins and outs of running around on your better half. Send $5, plus $10 for hush money and a long self-addressed stamped envelope, to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper, P.O. Box 4465, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163-4465. Copyright 4/1/1995 by Judith Martian Distributed by Untied Flatulent Syndicate, Inc.