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1995 Fools: Longest Fool
From firstname.lastname@example.org Thu Apr 6 01:28:07 EDT 1995 Article: 15678 of alt.shenanigans Path: bigblue.oit.unc.edu!concert!gatech!udel!news.sprintlink.net!sunserver.insinc.net!news.Direct.CA!scipio.cyberstore.ca!math.ohio-state.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!news1.digex.net!news3.digex.net!digex.net!not-for-mail From: email@example.com (Keith F. Lynch) Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc,alt.shenanigans,alt.religion.kibology,alt.discordia,alt.conspiracy,alt.slack,alt.illuminati Subject: APRIL FOOLS! Date: 1 Apr 1995 17:38:38 -0500 Organization: Express Access Public Access UNIX, Greenbelt, Maryland USA Lines: 50 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> NNTP-Posting-Host: access3.digex.net Xref: bigblue.oit.unc.edu talk.politics.misc:243876 alt.shenanigans:15678 alt.religion.kibology:68397 alt.discordia:20509 alt.conspiracy:80520 alt.slack:29104 alt.illuminati:6948 The organizers of the world's most succesful, and longest running, April Fools shenanigan, have decided to call it quits. It all started one April Fools day, long ago. Me and some friends were sitting around, kind of bored, trying to think of a clever prank. Finally, we came up with one. It was a long shot. We didn't think anyone would be fooled for a moment. But it was worth a try. The results have astonished us. However, it's time to call it off. A true shenanigan shouldn't actually hurt anyone. It's come to our attention that this prank has inadvertantly led to the death of a few billion people, so it's time to put a stop to it. What did we do? We dressed up in funny looking clothes, and went around telling people that we were "in charge". That they couldn't do various harmless things. That disobeying us would be "wrong". When people didn't catch on, we made it more and more absurd. We went around telling people that they had to do various harmful things to themselves and others. And that our authority over them was ordained by a giant, invisible, all powerful being, or by "the people," or by "manifest destiny" or "historical inevitability". That they had to give us half their money every year (in April -- but nobody got the hint). That they had to fight against their neighbors, in the name of "the true faith," or "national prestige," or "democratic reform". When they still didn't figure it out we came up with such ridiculous reasons for fighting as, a piece of colored cloth got insulted, or our racial purity has been sullied, or even "a war to end all war". But people *still* didn't figure it out! We had one of the Marx brothers write the most ridiculous imaginable books, filled with nonsense words like "proletariat," "bourgeoisie," "manifesto," and "praxis," and reasoning even more fractured and hilarious than their many wonderful movies, justifying our getting control of absolutely everything everywhere. I can't begin to tell you how flabbergasted we were when people took it seriously! Well, it's over now. Yeltsin, John Paul II, and Clinton (and her husband!) will make a joint statement, then step down. The statement will say that you are all free. And that you always have been. And, sorry for the inconvenience. We didn't mean to let this practical joke get so out of hand. Signed -- His most holy supreme pontiff and potentate, his royal imperial people's social democratic big brother -- Bozo. -- Keith Lynch, email@example.com Please CC any followups to me, as news on this site is chronically unreliable. Thanks.