1994 Fools: VW to produce Concept1 in 1995!
Newsgroups: rec.autos.vw
From: rgolen@UMASSD.EDU
Subject: VW to produce Concept1 in 1995!
Organization: UMASS DARTMOUTH, NO. DARTMOUTH, MA.
Date: Fri, 1 Apr 1994 12:33:23 GMT
Volkswagen GMbH announced today that it will be building the Concept 1
car starting as a 1996 model year car with production beginning in
1995.
Concept 1 is a modern update of the former East German Trabant. Chief
designer Ing. Stu Gotz stated that the German government was having
trouble recycling the old Trabant bodies due to the peculiarities
of its waste cotton fiber and highly toxic resin which makes the
bodies particularly indestructable. However, in order to meet
1996 safety laws, an external safety cage constructed of 1 inch
diameter tubing will be built AROUND the exterior of the body.
In a design breakthrough, the engine department headed by Rufus T.
Firefly has produced a unique, non-poluting engine design. Says
Firefly "one of the world's major pollutants is the waste grease
from fast food restaurants such as McDonalds, Booger King, etc. The
total production of waste grease is sufficient to provide 10% of the
world's daily energy needs"
The new engine is rumored to be a supercharged 3 cylinder, 3 cycle
engine. Normally internal combustion engines use either 2 cycle or
4 cycle technology. This engine uses the odd cycle to "chew the
fat" and then spit it into the adjacent cylinder for processing.
All is not rosy for the Concept 1 in that environmentalists complain
that it does in fact produce an odor emission quite like that of
cooking hamburgers or fries. Environmental spokesperson Dewey
Cheetham stated that the exhaust fumes trigger a "Pavlov dog-like"
reaction in humans who breathe them in.
Upon smelling the exhaust fumes, test subjects were possessed by
an uncontrollable urge to down 2 or more thick shakes. Cheetham
further stated that with the amount of exhaust Concept 1 could
produce a world-wide tragedy would ensue as the world's population,
intoxicated by this odor, would be consuming thick shakes at a
rate faster than the rate of production. It would also cause the
world's population in the richer nations to suffer uncontrollable
weight gain.
In a related development, the makers of Slim Fast announced today the
production of a zero calorie thick shake.
Happy April Fools Day!!!
Ric
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