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1994 Fools: 1994 PROGRESSIVE NEWS
From: email@example.com (Daniel Barrett) Newsgroups: alt.music.progressive Subject: News flash!! BIG news!! No, really!!!!! Date: 1 Apr 1994 05:27:06 GMT 1994 PROGRESSIVE NEWS An Annual Electronic Newsletter of The Progressive and the Obscure Compiled And Linked By Daniel Barrett, firstname.lastname@example.org. Publication Date: 4/1/94 Our first news item is guaranteed to cause a big stir. Sire Records has finally decided to release Renaissance's "Scheherezade" on CD! It will appear in stores in early May. In a bold move, instead of using one disc, Sire will be pressing each song from the album on a separate CD-3 single. They claim that this provides "more playback flexibility for people with multi-CD changers." The next big news is that, in response to "tremendous pressure from fans worldwide," Emerson, Lake and Powell has reformed. Yes, Powell!! A major worldwide tour begins next month in Gristle, Arkansas. As for Carl Palmer, he will reportedly be joining Yes. Inspired by Frank Zappa's "Beat the Boots" collection, Allan Holdsworth has decided to release all of his known bootleg recordings on CD. The series will be co-produced by lifetime buddies Jeff "Atavachron" Preston and Anil "Boots are Made for Walking" Prasad. Watch for it later in the year. Have you heard Yes's new album, "Talk"? Think again! Due to an unfortunate CD pressing error, all released copies of the disc contain the wrong music. Instead of hearing Trevor and the gang, unsuspecting listeners have been treated to the work of a relatively unknown polka band, "Roody Patoody and the Hep Cat Howlers." Patoody, whose voice bears a remarkable similarity to Jon Anderson's, is reportedly pleased about the error. "I'm honored y'all couldn't tell the difference," he said in a recent "i/e Magazine" interview, "'specially since we started using all them newfangled studio 'lectronic production thingies." According to insider sources, the pressing error occurred because both albums were scheduled to be released on the same day, and both contained songs about Stephen Hawking. Speaking of Yes, a grass-roots movement on USENET ran into unforeseen difficulty this week when trying to create the new newsgroup, alt.music.yes. After months of intense debate, the group was finally approved, only to have its name typed incorrectly at the last minute as "alt.music.ys". Within minutes, thousands of delighted "Il Balletto Di Bronzo" fans rushed in and took over the newsgroup. The alt.music.yes proponents tried to rename the group, but it was too late. Maybe next time they'll try calling it alt.fan.trevor. a.m.p. favorites Anglagard have been nominated for a Grammy Award! Their debut CD "Hybris" will be battling for top honors in the category "Best New Age Album." In related news, the Country Music Awards in Nashville last month were swept by Marillion who placed in the top 3 in every category, including "Most Novel Use of Steel Guitar." Steve Hackett is back in the studio recording a collaborative album with... Madonna! Yes, it's true, and the title is "Like A Virgin of the Acolyte." Madonna, an avid closet prog rocker, is reportedly doing more such collaborations in the future. The next one planned is with Camel and will be a reworking of their "Breathless" album entitled "I'm Still Breathless." Andy Latimer is reportedly "thrilled" according to Madonna's press agents who were last seen holding a large gun to his head. Progressive rock god Phil Collins is hard at work on a new solo album that he promises "will reassure progressive rockers everywhere that I still have both my nookers." Tentatively titled "Illo Neo Paragga Gastohht" (literally, "Dark Mayonnaise of Fate" in Yiddish), the album features Richard Sinclair and Fred Frith, and a minimum song length of 21 minutes. Dream Theater has issued a press release to settle the issue, once and for all, of whether or not they are progressive. The 105-page document contains 27 musical excerpts and an extensive bibliography, and appears in today's New York Times. Tower Records in Boston, MA, was almost completely demolished last week by crazed fans of the Italian supergroup, Deus Ex Machina. Apparently, someone started a rumor that copies of their out-of-print CD, "Gladium Caeli", could be found at the store. Two hours later, the entire building lay in ruins. In a similar incident, Net personality Ranjit Padmanabhan scarcely escaped with his life last month after claiming to have "limited quantities" of the disc. "I'll never do THAT again," said Padmanabhan, from his room in San Jose Hospital. A new progressive supergroup is on the horizon. The membership includes Keith Emerson and Rick Wakeman on keyboards, Steve Morse and Allan Holdsworth on guitar, Vic Wooten on bass, Tony Levin on Chapman Stick, Jerry Goodman and Itzhak Perlman on violin, Ian Anderson on flute, Bill Bruford and Rod Morgenstein on double-drums, and newcomer Reggie "Klonk" Boomblaster on electric MIDI bongos. The band's name reportedly will be "Wakov", and their debut album, "In Your Fucking Dreams", consists of seven tracks of complete silence. "It's like, you know," said band manager Luigi Vercotti. "The band members are just so, so, awesome, that their mere presence the same room should be enough to fill the album. There's no need for any actual 'music' as such." A tour is planned. Happy April Fool's Day, y'all.... :-) Dan //////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center | | University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003 -- email@example.com | \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////////////////////////////// --- Copyright 1994 by Daniel J. Barrett. All rights reserved. This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its entirety. It may not be included in any publication without the written permission of the author. So nyaaah.