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1994 Fools: Thermonics and Gigatechnology at MIZAR
Newsgroups: sci.cryonics Subject: Thermonics and Gigatechnology at MIZAR As of April 1st, MIZAR is open for business. We offer an alternative to low-temperature preservation for deanimated patients. Taking a lesson from the food-service business, there is *another* way to use temperature to prevent decomposition. We offer *thermonics*: Patient storage at 150 to 200 degrees Fahrenheit. This has several advantages: * No danger of ice formation. * No risk of fracturing. * No liquid nitrogen expense or dangers. As an experiment, we took a dog and put it in a 150 degree F room. The dog not only survived in perfect health, it had never before run as fast as when it was briefly in that room! We currently use electric blankets and heat lamps, but plan to soon open a storage facility in the Sahara desert, where noon-time summer temperatures have reached nearly 140 F. Please note that the Sahara is close to Egypt, where long-term patient storage got its start more than 3000 years ago. Unfortunately, the Egyptians discarded their patients' brains before interring them in their long-term storage facilities, so we don't anticipate being able to reanimate any of their patients in the near future. Reanimation will certainly require development of a mature gigatechnology. As Derek Exeler explains in his _Engines of Confusion_, this will involve making a machine as big as the galaxy, capable of simultaneously reversing the speed and momentum of every sub-atomic particle and ray of light in the Milky Way. This will eventually result (after as many years as they had been preserved) in our patients returning to an active life. Just as active as their life prior to their deanimation. In fact, *totally identical* to their pre-thermonics life, only in reverse. We're researching four more technologies for patient storage: Salonics: Inspired by the salting of food for preservation. This technique is most useful for people who ate lots of fast food, potato chips, pretzels, soy sauce, etc, and who eventually deanimated due to high blood pressure. Vinonics: Inspired by pickling of food, and by the preservation of brains in jars from the last century. This technique is most useful for long-term alcoholics. While it's an excellent way to store brains, it may not be appropriate for whole-body preservation, since we've had no luck preserving livers this way. This method works best one day at a time. Glyconics: Inspired by preservation of highly-sugared foods, such as jellies and jams. Most suitable for diabetics. Brains are preserved well, but teeth tend to deteriorate badly. Neverneveronics: Inspired by _Peter Pan_ (the movie, not the peanut butter), this technique preserves patients by having them never grow old and deanimate in the first place. Side effects include not being allowed to stay up past 10 pm, being forbidden to see interesting movies without accompanying adult, and having to repeat the 4th grade century after century.