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1994 Fools: Big drug bust!
From firstname.lastname@example.org Tue Apr 5 00:59:38 EDT 1994 Article: 3929 of alt.law-enforcement Path: bigblue.oit.unc.edu!concert!corpgate!news.utdallas.edu!chpc.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!news.intercon.com!news1.digex.net!access.digex.net!not-for-mail From: email@example.com (Keith F. Lynch) Newsgroups: alt.drugs,talk.politics.drugs,alt.law-enforcement,alt.politics.libertarian Subject: Big drug bust! Date: 1 Apr 1994 00:27:14 -0500 Organization: Express Access Public Access UNIX, Greenbelt, Maryland USA Lines: 32 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> NNTP-Posting-Host: access2.digex.net Xref: bigblue.oit.unc.edu alt.drugs:68578 talk.politics.drugs:20472 alt.law-enforcement:3929 alt.politics.libertarian:26221 Authorities today report seizure and destruction of 401 million tons of crack cocaine, with an estimated street value of 41 trillion dollars. The drugs were found onboard the supertanker _Medellin Valdez_, which has been bombed and sunk in the Gulf of Mexico by the DEA. The captain, who is under arrest, denies all knowledge, and claims he thought he was hauling oil. "Now that you mention it, the ship *was* riding just a bit low in the water," he is quoted as saying. Local authorities in states bordering the gulf are ecstatic. "When this washes ashore, everything within ten miles of the beach will test positive. We'll be able to *seize it all*! We'll be the richest police department in the world!" said a Louisiana sheriff. "No, *we* will!" disputed the chief of police of unnamed major city on Tampa Bay. "We plan to sell the seized property for billions. Then seize it again. Then sell it again. Etc. We'll be able to afford tens of thousands of drug troops, nuclear tipped anti-drug-user missiles, million-cell prisons, thousand-seat electric chairs, video cameras in every room of every home and office, hourly urine tests for everyone, and PDFA anti-drug ads on every surface of every object." The mood is less ecstatic among property owners near the shore. Houses, land, and other unmovable property has been selling for extremely low prices, pending the forfeiture. A four star beach-front resort hotel with a thousand rooms sold for forty-one dollars. "This proves that we're winning the war on drugs," said a chain-smoking administration official over cocktails. -- Keith Lynch, email@example.com f p=2,3:2 s q=1 x "f f=3:2 q:f*f>p!'q s q=p#f" w:q p,?$x\8+1*8