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1998 Fools: Consortium announces launch of worldwide connectivity network

Subject: Consortium announces launch of worldwide connectivity network (1998.04.01)
From: ocl@gih.com
Date: 1998/04/01
Newsgroups: comp.mail.misc,comp.mail.uucp

LONDON, APRIL 1 - In a packed Press Conference auditorium,
Dr. Klaus Santos announced today the launch of the first
worldwide connectivity network named FISH-NET.

"From today, it will be possible to connect to the Internet
from anywhere on the planet", said Dr. Santos.

The network of 1000 satellites covers the whole of the globe.

The idea of a network of satellites was launched by competing
consortiums but the Full Internet SHell (FISH) alliance
managed to launch its satellites in record time to cover the
whole planet. Internet connectivity is now available anywhere
in the world, provided the right modem kit is purchased from

Amazingly, the connectivity kit costs less than US$100.
"When we designed the service, a requirement was that it
had to be low-cost for everybody to use. Now anybody can
have connectivity to the rest of the world at speeds more
than 30 times the rate of the current fastest modem",
said Dr. Santos. "We cut our costs whenever we could".

The consortium made use of amateur rocket societies to
launch their suitcase-sized satellites into orbit instead
of resorting to the commercial launchers. As a result, the
total cost of putting 1000 satellites in orbit was
equivalent to one conventional launch at Cape Canaveral.
Dr. Klaus admitted "We had a few failed launches but
on the whole, the launching operation went smoothly and
we were therefore operational in six months".

Mr. John Herring, of the Amateur Rocket Society of
Great Britain (ARS-GB), also present at the press
conference added "We amateurs are a new force in the
international launch of satellites. Through our thousands
of members we are able to manufacture twice as many
rockets as all commercial launchers put together. Our
low-cost launch vehicle designs impressed the FISH-NET
consortium, and we netted the contract through agressive

"Watch out", Mr. Herring warned, "if you thought that
the Mars Pathfinder mission was impressive, stay tuned to
ARS-GB, and you'll be impressed".

News of the launch of FISH-NET have spread quickly around
the globe. Dr. Ibrahim Al-Samaek, of Addis Ababa in Ethiopia
welcomed the launch as being the biggest step in
economic development for his country in the last twenty
years. "We have had major problems with reliable Internet
connectivity in the past, and this is the first time that
we can surf the Web from anywhere else than the capital.
I expect Internet Web-Cafes to open here soon".

Mr. Poisson, grandson of the well known scientist said
from his home in Paris, France "We are finally reaching
the stage of true Telecommunication de-regulation.
Yesterday's European telecom monopolies are truly dead
and gone, This is the final nail in their coffin".

By using a smuggled transmitting station, Kim Sung Park
of North Korea sent his first E-mail to the outside
world "This is great news for democracy; censorship of
information is now a thing of the past".

A group of surfer-buddies, having made the trip from the
US to London specially for the announcement, were
enthusiastic about the News.

Larry, Len, Vint, Daniel, "JCRL", David, Barry, Bob,
Ray and Jon remember the days of ARPANET. "FISH-NET is
a gigantic step towards JC's Galactic Network Concept.
It's way-cool".

Throughout the day, tributes have been pouring in to
the FISH-NET headquarters for their efficiency and
sensible pricing. Plans are in fact in the works to
provide free connectivity to some of the most remote
places on Earth.

"We would have never been able to do this without the
help of the Internet community. There are thousands of
these people world-wide, who do their little bit into
getting the Internet to work at the lowest possible cost.
Now it's our time to reward these heroes. They were the
pioneers, we're the cavalry, and the cavalry is never late",
concluded Dr. Santos.

Olivier C-L, reporting from London, UK.

Olivier MJ Crepin-Leblond, Ph.D. |----> Global Information Highway Limited
Phone: +44 (0)956 84 1113  | Always 60 seconds |  E-mail:  <ocl@gih.com>
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