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1997 Fools: NETSCAPE HR ANNOUNCES NEW CONTAINER POLICY


From owner-meditation@gnu.ai.mit.edu Wed Apr  2 14:31:35 1997
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Sender: mwelch@netscape.com (Mark Welch)
Message-ID: <3342AFB6.41C6@netscape.com>
Date: Wed, 02 Apr 1997 11:12:54 -0800
From: Mark Welch >mwelch@netscape.com>
Organization: Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow
X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.01 (X11; I; IRIX 6.2 IP22)
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: Me <mwelch@netscape.com>
Subject: Too late for April 1, but still...
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Status: R

I was too busy sleeping off my all-night last-minute beta 3 bug fixing
episode to finish this yesterday, so as a consolation prize to me, you
all can see what I had in mind to send yesterday.

Have fun
--mark

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: New HR Policy - READ THIS
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 1997 08:35:56 -0800
From: Jim Barksdale <jimb@netscape.com>
To: all@netscape.com


I am sending this message to you personally, because of its importance
to the organization as a whole. I hope that with this policy in place,
all of you will be empowered to create and sell even more "killer"
products!

JB


             NETSCAPE HR ANNOUNCES NEW CONTAINER POLICY

Given the recent mass suicide in Rancho Santa Fe, and their documented
link to the Internet and Web development (as reported by CNN and
other reputable news agencies), and given the continued proximity of
the Hale-Bopp comet, Netscape HR has decided to adopt a new set of
guidelines regarding the "disposal of containers" on the Middlefield
campus.

Netscape employees who wish to join up with alien spacecraft are
advised to do so during late evening hours, so that the cleaning crews
will be able to dispose of the empty container before it begins to
create a hostile work environment. As a courtesy to Netscape staff,
the Engineering Pit in building 685-2 will be set up with proper
facilities (apple sauce, pudding, phenobarbitol and opiates, and
purple triangular shrouds) to help the spiritually worthy traveler to
begin his or her journey.

Groups of 20 or more are encouraged to secure off-site facilities for
their planned exodus through Heaven's Gate. And now, reserving that
Portola Valley mansion for parties and "other occasions" is a snap
with LesConcierges! Just call x8351 and our dedicated staff will make
all the arrangements for "that special getaway!"

On a more somber note, since our studies have shown that
Internet-related suicides seem to occur in large groups and focus
around intelligent aliens, Mozilla will be decommissioned as the
Netscape mascot as of April 10th. In its place, we will introduce
Fluffy the Poodle, whose perky demeanor and neurotically wagging tail
demonstrate Netscape's relentless, round-the-clock commitment to
painfully exact standards of software quality. HR personnel will be
conducting a walkthrough of Middlefield Road facilities to make sure
that all traces of Mozilla have been removed, in order to ensure a
more pleasant and productive environment.

For those of you wanting to learn more about using phenobarbitol and
opiates as a tool to meet alien spacecraft, or just to see God in
general, a pilot class session will be held on April 31st, in order to
gauge the level of employee interest in container disposal.

For more information, contact our Container Disposal Consultant, James
Jones, at x8531.



PS For those of you who are humor impaired: This is an April Fools
joke. Or, it would have been, had I completed it on time.

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