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1995 Fools: Information Highway to be English Only?

From: haken@math.uiuc.edu (Haken)
Newsgroups: comp.unix.advocacy
Subject: Information Highway to be English Only?
Date: 1 Apr 1995 15:40:03 GMT
Organization: U of Illinois Math
Message-ID: <haken-0104950939410001@ruger-6.slip.uiuc.edu>

This is forwarded as an informational service to the internet community:

Rep. Byrch Introduces "Information Purity" Bill to Congress

Copyright, by Broma J. Witz, American News Service, April 1, 1995

In an announcement today, Rep. Jonathan Byrch (R Okla.) introduced his
"Information Superhighway Language Purity" bill. "The information
superhighway is literally becoming a virtual tower of Babel" he said. The
bill calls for English to be the only official language of the information
superhighway that is being constructed by the nation's government. "The
information superhighway is all about the free interchange of information,
and that can't happen if the information is all in foreign languages" he
claims. He also cited problems in monitoring non-English text by national
security, anti-virus and anti-hacking specialists. The bill goes on to
stipulate that only American units of measurement be used. "The public
must be protected from unscrupulous deception using the metric system" he
announced. "My advisors tell me that 1024 bytes are being represented as a
"kilobyte" which is only 1000 bytes." "Just as the speed limit on the
interstate highways is 65 miles and not 104.585 kilometers, the
information highways should also be measured using real American sizes and
standards" he said. 

Rep. Byrch also stated his intention of pressing for the computers that
are used as rest stops on the information superhighway, to be
American-only. "Before you know it we'll have a highway full of Toyotas
and Hyundais instead of IBMs." "We don't want an information autobahn that
undercuts American business" he said. "Anyone who's tried to use a
Japanese VCR can see my point." Rep. Byrch plans to introduce another bill
to standardize the computers and software used on the information
superhighway in the near future. "We need to protect American companies
like IBM and Microsoft from unfair foreign competition, using slave labor,
shoddy transistors and foreign logic " he claimed.

In conclusion Rep. Byrch warned that the information superhighway is being
infiltrated by foreigners in other countries, including Iraq, Hong Kong
and Vietnam. "If something isn't done now  to protect  American
technological expertise, we might as well all start learning Chinese and
surrender to some foreign dictator."


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