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1994 Fools: VW to produce Concept1 in 1995!
Newsgroups: rec.autos.vw From: rgolen@UMASSD.EDU Subject: VW to produce Concept1 in 1995! Organization: UMASS DARTMOUTH, NO. DARTMOUTH, MA. Date: Fri, 1 Apr 1994 12:33:23 GMT Volkswagen GMbH announced today that it will be building the Concept 1 car starting as a 1996 model year car with production beginning in 1995. Concept 1 is a modern update of the former East German Trabant. Chief designer Ing. Stu Gotz stated that the German government was having trouble recycling the old Trabant bodies due to the peculiarities of its waste cotton fiber and highly toxic resin which makes the bodies particularly indestructable. However, in order to meet 1996 safety laws, an external safety cage constructed of 1 inch diameter tubing will be built AROUND the exterior of the body. In a design breakthrough, the engine department headed by Rufus T. Firefly has produced a unique, non-poluting engine design. Says Firefly "one of the world's major pollutants is the waste grease from fast food restaurants such as McDonalds, Booger King, etc. The total production of waste grease is sufficient to provide 10% of the world's daily energy needs" The new engine is rumored to be a supercharged 3 cylinder, 3 cycle engine. Normally internal combustion engines use either 2 cycle or 4 cycle technology. This engine uses the odd cycle to "chew the fat" and then spit it into the adjacent cylinder for processing. All is not rosy for the Concept 1 in that environmentalists complain that it does in fact produce an odor emission quite like that of cooking hamburgers or fries. Environmental spokesperson Dewey Cheetham stated that the exhaust fumes trigger a "Pavlov dog-like" reaction in humans who breathe them in. Upon smelling the exhaust fumes, test subjects were possessed by an uncontrollable urge to down 2 or more thick shakes. Cheetham further stated that with the amount of exhaust Concept 1 could produce a world-wide tragedy would ensue as the world's population, intoxicated by this odor, would be consuming thick shakes at a rate faster than the rate of production. It would also cause the world's population in the richer nations to suffer uncontrollable weight gain. In a related development, the makers of Slim Fast announced today the production of a zero calorie thick shake. Happy April Fools Day!!! Ric